My Colors

Do we know what it means to be a living sacrifice?
Read this statement by a young African pastor.

Found among his papers in Zimbabwe after he was martyred.

     I'm a part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple of His and I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

     My past is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future is secure. I'm done and finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.

     I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, or first, or tops, or recognized, or praised, or rewarded. I live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by Holy Spirit power.

     My face is set. My gait is fast. My goal is heaven. My road may be narrow, my way rough, my companions few, but my guide is reliable and my mission is clear.

     I will not be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed.

     I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice or hesitate in the presence of the adversary. I will not negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

     I won't give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, and preached up for the cause of Christ.

     I am a disciple of Jesus. I must give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes. And when He does come for His own, He'll have no problems recognizing me.


My colors will be clear!

Sickly

So, I've been sick all week, starting Monday.  Tuesday I lost my voice and it was completely gone through Thursday.

Today I have a little bit of a voice, but not much.  My lungs feel like they are stuck together.

Went to the doctor 2x.  First time on Tuesday- standard ridiculous amount of medicine (they give them to you in little packets and you pop a packet with every meal), and some kind of medicine you gargle but don't swallow.  It ended up foaming up and I looked like a rabid animal when I took it....

I went back today because I was out of meds and I felt worse today than I have all week (they only give you 3 days worth).  The doctor, who looks younger than some of my students, says "chest infection, mokorl (neck) infection.  No talking.  Mol (water) many many. Teaching ok.  Medicine- 3 days.  Intramuscle injection. Ah ah ah, butt."

If you only saw my face... no talking, but teaching was ok?  I was baffled.

I argued about the shot because I have drug allergies and didn't want to chance it.  He said "Shot- better.  No shot- no better.  Butt please."  Needless to say, I have a sore rear-end.  :P

These are the adventures of a Waegookin (foreigner)...  can't get that in the UK.

The Adult Life of a TCK

I am incredibly thankful for growing up in different cultures.  It's made me accepting of everyone, no matter our cultural or religious differences.  I now love learning about peoples cultures, traditions, practices, and languages.  It makes them who they are as humans.  Culture affects the way you think, your decision making style, the foods you like, and the way you interpret things- even the way you interpret the Bible.

As many of you know, I'm in the process of re-evaluating all of my theological beliefs.  Not to conform to the culture I am currently in, but to burn away the cultural influence I had during the foundations of my Christian life.  Don't worry; I'm not going off the crazy bridge or anything.  Neither am I bashing the Southern Baptists.  I may end up not believing exactly the same as most of you reading this (friends from SC).  Good thing Christ's blood covers all believers. ;-)  You're still going to be my brother or sister, and I to you as well.  :)

Lately,  I've struggled with, and continue to struggle with, staying in SK.  I have built great relationships with people at church.  They are some of the most amazing people I have ever met, truly.  I struggle, and have struggled my whole life, with staying in one place for a long time.  I've never stayed in one place very long, nor have I ever wanted to.  Going to university nearly killed me.  Staying with the same people, in the same place, all doing the same thing for FOUR years!?!  I thought I was going to have a mental break down, and probably nearly did.  I felt so confined.  Not because of the rules enforced by the Southern Baptist university I attended, but because I COULDN'T leave.  If I left, I couldn't get the degree I wanted.  I was stuck.

Now, I'm not stuck.  I can freely move about where ever I please, other than the whole needing a job in the middle of a recession bit...  At the same time, I'm not free.  God sent me to Korea, and God has told me to stay in Korea for a time.  This season isn't over, and won't be over for a few years.  That has been made clear to me.  However, I'm at a point in my life where I want to "settle down" somewhere.  Make a home somewhere.  Not just live somewhere, but have a home.  Whether that involves a husband and children or not, isn't even on my mind.  I just want to be somewhere, that I LOVE the culture, and it feels like home to me.

Korea will never feel like home.  It is quite a homogenous society, and though the culture is interesting, I will never be part of it.  I'll never be allowed to be apart of it.  I am the complete antithesis of a Korean- in my appearance, mannerisms, thought process, or decision making.  I just don't fit in with the Korean culture, nor were I meant to.

This all makes staying in Korea a bit of an internal conflict.  I want to go on to the next place God has in store, yet be obedient to His leaning.  He softly says, "Wait."  I cry out to Him, "How long, Lord?"  He warmly says, "Wait."  I ask again, "Why, Lord?  Why am I here?  Why can I not go on to the UK, where you have called me?"  Again, lovingly and softly He says, "Wait, beloved.  My work through you is not finished.  We will walk through this together.  Stay with me."

Being a TCK, I'm emotionally stuck between wanting to "put roots down," and wanting to stay in the transitionary phase, not really having anywhere to call 'home.'  The Lord knows the desires of my heart, and will choose to do what He sees best.  I'm confident in that, and through it I will wait.  I will be content where He has me, not missing a moment of ministry, an opportunity to set captives free, or mend the broken-hearted.  I live to serve Him, glorify Him, and LOVE all.  That is what I'll do no matter where He calls me.

One day, I'll have a home.  And that home will be in glory with the Father and the Son.